I figured it was time I started posting again. Y'know, it's time... So now, some updates:
I found a bunch of Wiccans in town. They're pretty cool... for Wiccans... No, but really, I have a soul family now and it's wonderful! I feel accepted and loved, and that's something of a new-ish feeling. So: Huzzah! I have been taking classes (Wicca 101) for a few months, because really a lot of what they study is similar, at least, to what I need to study. But actually, last night after class my teacher (M) and I had a discussion, and we decided that while the classes were good for me initially, now they're not helping. I actually feel bound when I'm sitting in the class, maybe partially because our book is by Silver Ravenwolf and she's awfully preachy sometimes, but also because there's just too much ceremony, just to many steps that are just so, in Wicca. So I move on.
When she said I could gracefully bow out of classes, I felt the lead slip off my shoulders. The room was suddenly brighter, my friends' faces clearer, the lights not so glaring and critical. Thank you, M.
In light of recent developments, combined with a long-held wish to find my own, I am seeking out a Grove. For those of you who have- oh, screw it, most of y'all don't know too much about Druids. Well, a Grove is like a coven of Druids. *When I stop capitalizing those words, just envision them with the power of the capital, and don't begrudge me my laziness.* Anyway, finding the local grove *see there I go* is easier said than done. Wiccans are somewhat scarce, but druids are a little bit like needles in haystacks. Really big friggin' haystacks. But we're really shiny needles. Anyway, I started at the Ancient Order of Druids in America (AODA) site. I like the message they send, and I am planning to study with them. Eventually. So I looked up their various groves around the country, and lo and behold! Nothing really near me. Drat. So I went to the Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF) site. They don't really have any groves close to me, either. However, the closest one is... a day trip away, I suppose. And I'm going to join them for Mabon! I'm so excited!
I mentioned this to my Wiccan friends (who I'll call "my coven") and they were very supportive and excited for me. This does mean that I will not be spending Mabon with my coven, but my closest sisters agree with me that I need to find a grove and other druids, and I need to see how they do stuff, rituals and the like.
But M said to me, "This does not mean you are not part of our family anymore. You still have a place here."
That means more than she knows.
So that's a quick update. Other stuff is going ok: I have an off-campus apartment and I'm learning to live [actually] on my own, because a dorm isn't really on your own; I have a job at the campus bookstore, and of course it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life it's a pretty good job, with good hours, convenient location, nice management, and awesome coworkers. I'm going to be posting (/trying to post) more regularly again, because stuff is happening!
As the last, I want to share with you my new personal motto: "When they laugh at you, laugh with them." And that, mi amici, is all for now.
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
"Leaving" implies both something being left and something else being reached.
Death. The soul leaves the body. The body is a shell, nothing more than a vessel for the soul, the fifth, transient element. For example, we call your body "yours." Like a possession. Not yourself. Do you see what I mean? "Self" is personality and thought and memories (not memory). And what is personality and thought and memory? Chemicals in your brain. But not even that. The way those chemicals come together, with the physical tissue of your brain and its orientation in space and time. But these things, personality and thought and memory, self, are not physical, nor would we ever presume to describe them as such. Really, how would we describe them? Abstractions. Not matter, but abstractions. It's a small step from abstractions to energy. After all, how would you describe energy? Try; it's really damn hard. Okay, you can say "I don't know" now. Self is so amorphous, indescribable, intangible, abstract… you get the picture.
Death. I keep wandering away from it (intentionally, perhaps..?). Body is a possession, a vessel, a shell. Even when you're alive. But it's a possession like a home. A house or an apartment. It's very personal, very you. Still, when the soul leaves, it's just a fallen log, a discarded muffin in a muddy parking lot (don't ask), a footprint in wet sand. It's the physical manifestation of memory, a dead body is. I want to be cremated. I want my body to go to the fire. Well, actually it's between cremation or just being left out for the animals and the plants and the elements. Air (the great oxidizer) and water (the great eroder) and earth (the great consumer) and fire (the great equalizer) and life. Other life: dogs and raccoons and birds and worms and beetles and trees and fungi and soil bacteria. Either way I am returned; even if I was embalmed and locked in a metal box and buried (*shudder shudder*) I would eventually return to the universe as organic molecules and even atoms. It would just take longer. Much longer.
One thing about my faith is that it's not particularly comforting. But that's the thing: that's because it's realistic. The world is not "made" for us. We are not "supposed" to be able to survive, thrive in it.
The "meaning" of life is that it works. There is no great reason.
The soul is recyclable, but not always recycled. Yes, reincarnation is in here somewhere, but I've got my own bent on it.
But I do know what happens when you die by a hand or a force other than your own. Sort of. Obviously I don't know, really. I mean, no one does. If only we could remember… Think of the first law of thermodynamics; conservation of energy and matter. Add up all the energy and mass on both sides of the chemical equation and they'll match. Mostly. I'm not going there, at least in this paragraph. Besides, I forget what the principle or whatever is called. Well, what is a soul but… something. I mean, there aren't specifics, but souls are like the gods; they have to be made of something. And there's only two things in the universe (don't you even think about it): matter and energy. Personally I'm leaning toward energy, and it makes sense/sounds good: heat energy, light energy, life energy. You know? But the point of this whole idea is that souls can neither be created nor destroyed (perhaps they can be converted, but not going there right now). Anyway, this means they have to be re-used, and I think they come out the other side looking pretty much the way they did. It's, like, hard to change energy, man…
Whoa, I just started making sense! Like, trippy, right? Betcha didn't see that one coming, huh?
So, souls survive the journey from one body (the deceased) to another (the newly born) pretty much unchanged. I have no thoughts on the actual method of the journey at this moment; I will just say that Death is neutral among divines (I'm not even sure he qualifies as a divine) and men, and there are Angels [of Death] and Reapers involved. What; you thought I didn't have a theory? Silly, silly; you don't know me yet, do ye? Actually, have you been, like, paying attention?
BTW: I've been writing this to myself. Because I talk to myself. I know, circular, but I get hold of an idea and I'm like a terrier with a bone. Never let it go. Just sayin'.
So, I don't really know the mechanism, and the importance of that statement is that I don't know why we don't know who/what we were. I think that now would be the time to point out that souls are present in all living things, so species, even kingdom, is sort of a nonissue.
Death. I keep wandering away from it (intentionally, perhaps..?). Body is a possession, a vessel, a shell. Even when you're alive. But it's a possession like a home. A house or an apartment. It's very personal, very you. Still, when the soul leaves, it's just a fallen log, a discarded muffin in a muddy parking lot (don't ask), a footprint in wet sand. It's the physical manifestation of memory, a dead body is. I want to be cremated. I want my body to go to the fire. Well, actually it's between cremation or just being left out for the animals and the plants and the elements. Air (the great oxidizer) and water (the great eroder) and earth (the great consumer) and fire (the great equalizer) and life. Other life: dogs and raccoons and birds and worms and beetles and trees and fungi and soil bacteria. Either way I am returned; even if I was embalmed and locked in a metal box and buried (*shudder shudder*) I would eventually return to the universe as organic molecules and even atoms. It would just take longer. Much longer.
One thing about my faith is that it's not particularly comforting. But that's the thing: that's because it's realistic. The world is not "made" for us. We are not "supposed" to be able to survive, thrive in it.
The "meaning" of life is that it works. There is no great reason.
The soul is recyclable, but not always recycled. Yes, reincarnation is in here somewhere, but I've got my own bent on it.
But I do know what happens when you die by a hand or a force other than your own. Sort of. Obviously I don't know, really. I mean, no one does. If only we could remember… Think of the first law of thermodynamics; conservation of energy and matter. Add up all the energy and mass on both sides of the chemical equation and they'll match. Mostly. I'm not going there, at least in this paragraph. Besides, I forget what the principle or whatever is called. Well, what is a soul but… something. I mean, there aren't specifics, but souls are like the gods; they have to be made of something. And there's only two things in the universe (don't you even think about it): matter and energy. Personally I'm leaning toward energy, and it makes sense/sounds good: heat energy, light energy, life energy. You know? But the point of this whole idea is that souls can neither be created nor destroyed (perhaps they can be converted, but not going there right now). Anyway, this means they have to be re-used, and I think they come out the other side looking pretty much the way they did. It's, like, hard to change energy, man…
Whoa, I just started making sense! Like, trippy, right? Betcha didn't see that one coming, huh?
So, souls survive the journey from one body (the deceased) to another (the newly born) pretty much unchanged. I have no thoughts on the actual method of the journey at this moment; I will just say that Death is neutral among divines (I'm not even sure he qualifies as a divine) and men, and there are Angels [of Death] and Reapers involved. What; you thought I didn't have a theory? Silly, silly; you don't know me yet, do ye? Actually, have you been, like, paying attention?
BTW: I've been writing this to myself. Because I talk to myself. I know, circular, but I get hold of an idea and I'm like a terrier with a bone. Never let it go. Just sayin'.
So, I don't really know the mechanism, and the importance of that statement is that I don't know why we don't know who/what we were. I think that now would be the time to point out that souls are present in all living things, so species, even kingdom, is sort of a nonissue.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Playing god and other human pursuits.
Today I'm thinking about euthanasia. Alternately, murder. I don't know.
Up until a few years ago I was set on a career in veterinary medicine. I wanted, needed to be a veterinarian. I... honestly, I don't really know why it was so important to me. At first I suppose it was just like, "Oh I love animals, and I want to work in the sciences, and I want to help the animals that live with us." I have always liked animals more than humans to some extent; as I've aged it's shifted from disgust with the human race and reverence of non-human animals to, well, I'm still pretty disgusted with humans, but it's less of a generalization and more on a case-by-case basis. So when I was little I deemed non-human animals more deserving of medical care. I counter any protests of "But you're human, and our pets need humans to provide that care," with "I was, like, six years old." Six-year-olds aren't known for their expansive considerations of reality (ie how the world works).
As I got older I developed more concrete reasons for becoming a vet. I started feeling that pulling at my heart when I thought of animals suffering illness or mistreatment. I realized that I felt personally obligated to do whatever I could to help them, for they could not help themselves. I still feel that obligation, but I realize now that your life's work should also be something that is fascinating to me, and my fascination is not in veterinary medicine.
My career plans are not the point. So what is? you ask. The point: one disparity between medicine for humans and non-humans is at the end of medicine. By that I mean, of course, how and when death comes.
The very simple fact is: humans often choose when an animal will die. Another simple fact: it is illegal and usually considered amoral for humans to choose when a human will die (with exceptions and/or loopholes). Why? If you ask someone that question, chances are they will have a hard time with a solid answer. I've thought about this question a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that the law is as it is because there is an inherent assumption that humans are more important than non-humans. I wouldn't expect an easy answer out of anyone to this question, either, even though it's basically a yes/no question.
My take is that it's something that people believe deeply--perhaps subconsciously--but are uncomfortable voicing aloud. But shouldn't a person be able to say what she thinks? Also, this belief in human superiority is probably widely-held, so speaking it aloud would place one squarely within the clear--albeit close-mouthed--majority.
I will speak: I do not agree with the statement that humans are more important than non-humans. I strongly believe that humans are of equal importance with non-humans. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind in a few years; I did start out believing that non-humans were of more importance than humans.
The most trouble I have with that statement is the use of "important." Calling something important implies that there is a purpose for it, and we've already said there is no purpose for living things, nor even for living. Actually, Oxford English Dictionary defines important as "of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being." You could argue that because of the inclusion of "profound effect on... survival" it might have bearing on the relationship between these two things (humans and non-humans); actually there is no relevance to this comparison because the it is not comparing to methods of finding food or shelter or anything like that, so there is no element of survival. It is not calling into question the survival skills of either being, but comparing them as if they were instrumental to some sort of universal scheme, which smacks of monotheism (and actually most religions with divinity/-ies).
So the natural next question is "Why then do we decide when animals die and not when humans die?" When we can't easily answer that one, we might go to "Why is it socially acceptable to decide for animals and not humans?" or even "Is it right?" And then we get to right vs wrong, my least favorite dichotomy of all time (and I can even say with confidence that I will never meet another dichotomy that I loathe more).
It's been a hard week.
Up until a few years ago I was set on a career in veterinary medicine. I wanted, needed to be a veterinarian. I... honestly, I don't really know why it was so important to me. At first I suppose it was just like, "Oh I love animals, and I want to work in the sciences, and I want to help the animals that live with us." I have always liked animals more than humans to some extent; as I've aged it's shifted from disgust with the human race and reverence of non-human animals to, well, I'm still pretty disgusted with humans, but it's less of a generalization and more on a case-by-case basis. So when I was little I deemed non-human animals more deserving of medical care. I counter any protests of "But you're human, and our pets need humans to provide that care," with "I was, like, six years old." Six-year-olds aren't known for their expansive considerations of reality (ie how the world works).
As I got older I developed more concrete reasons for becoming a vet. I started feeling that pulling at my heart when I thought of animals suffering illness or mistreatment. I realized that I felt personally obligated to do whatever I could to help them, for they could not help themselves. I still feel that obligation, but I realize now that your life's work should also be something that is fascinating to me, and my fascination is not in veterinary medicine.
My career plans are not the point. So what is? you ask. The point: one disparity between medicine for humans and non-humans is at the end of medicine. By that I mean, of course, how and when death comes.
The very simple fact is: humans often choose when an animal will die. Another simple fact: it is illegal and usually considered amoral for humans to choose when a human will die (with exceptions and/or loopholes). Why? If you ask someone that question, chances are they will have a hard time with a solid answer. I've thought about this question a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that the law is as it is because there is an inherent assumption that humans are more important than non-humans. I wouldn't expect an easy answer out of anyone to this question, either, even though it's basically a yes/no question.
My take is that it's something that people believe deeply--perhaps subconsciously--but are uncomfortable voicing aloud. But shouldn't a person be able to say what she thinks? Also, this belief in human superiority is probably widely-held, so speaking it aloud would place one squarely within the clear--albeit close-mouthed--majority.
I will speak: I do not agree with the statement that humans are more important than non-humans. I strongly believe that humans are of equal importance with non-humans. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind in a few years; I did start out believing that non-humans were of more importance than humans.
The most trouble I have with that statement is the use of "important." Calling something important implies that there is a purpose for it, and we've already said there is no purpose for living things, nor even for living. Actually, Oxford English Dictionary defines important as "of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being." You could argue that because of the inclusion of "profound effect on... survival" it might have bearing on the relationship between these two things (humans and non-humans); actually there is no relevance to this comparison because the it is not comparing to methods of finding food or shelter or anything like that, so there is no element of survival. It is not calling into question the survival skills of either being, but comparing them as if they were instrumental to some sort of universal scheme, which smacks of monotheism (and actually most religions with divinity/-ies).
So the natural next question is "Why then do we decide when animals die and not when humans die?" When we can't easily answer that one, we might go to "Why is it socially acceptable to decide for animals and not humans?" or even "Is it right?" And then we get to right vs wrong, my least favorite dichotomy of all time (and I can even say with confidence that I will never meet another dichotomy that I loathe more).
It's been a hard week.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Silver (theoretically "Daily"): Maybe I should rename it "Periodic Silver?"
But that sounds like it's the physical element Ag (silver)... Nonetheless, my posts display a sort of periodicity, do they not?
Anyway: the news. The new is... it's almost spring break! The other day one of my profs asked the class if anyone was going anywhere nice over break. There were the usual "Florida"s and stuff, so I said "the dentist." Don't think that qualifies as "nice," though.
In other news, I'm applying for a paid internship studying parasites and energy cycling in the ecosystem in Indiana, and I am so excited. I just sent in my application today; wish me luck!
In still other news, I haven't been doing much of anything lately, except working on my application. I guess that isn't really news, but it's happening, soooo...
That's really all I have for now. I'm in total hunched-over-waiting-for-break/nice-weather-mode. It's possible that I'm actually comatose, like, right now, as I'm writing this... Next week I'll have all the time in the world to read and blog and spend exorbitant amounts of time playing computer solitaire! Ciao!
Anyway: the news. The new is... it's almost spring break! The other day one of my profs asked the class if anyone was going anywhere nice over break. There were the usual "Florida"s and stuff, so I said "the dentist." Don't think that qualifies as "nice," though.
In other news, I'm applying for a paid internship studying parasites and energy cycling in the ecosystem in Indiana, and I am so excited. I just sent in my application today; wish me luck!
In still other news, I haven't been doing much of anything lately, except working on my application. I guess that isn't really news, but it's happening, soooo...
That's really all I have for now. I'm in total hunched-over-waiting-for-break/nice-weather-mode. It's possible that I'm actually comatose, like, right now, as I'm writing this... Next week I'll have all the time in the world to read and blog and spend exorbitant amounts of time playing computer solitaire! Ciao!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Daily Silver: A recap of stuff I haven't told you yet. And "the weather isn't evil, it just wants a hug."
Can I write Friday's Daily Silver even though it's technically Saturday? Of course I can! I'm running the show. (bwahahahahahahahaha!!!)
What can I tell you about Friday. Other than "TGIF" or rather, TGIWF (Thank Gods It Was Friday). Oh, well it snowed a bit up here in the wild wild North (better known as Western NY). Lessee... oh, we have an accumulation of about 8 or 9 inches, and it was all melted two days ago. So not overnight, but pretty good. Actually, snow on the ground is okay. It's when it's blowing in your face that's not so cool. Hot. Whatever. Today I got up and (mistake #1) did not look out the window. I had no idea what it was like outside, but I assumed that it would be much like yesterday: sunny and clear with snow on the ground but none in the sky. As I was preparing to leave for class, still not looking out the window, I (almost mistake #2) debated putting on my winter hat or my baseball cap. I luckily chose the winter hat and opened the door (surprise!). The snow was coming down at about a 45deg slant, and they were fat, slushy flakes, the kind that can sting in a sudden [sadistic] gust of wind but then will accumulate on your hat and coat and any exposed skin and make you shed water when you walk inside like molting snakeskin. Except cold and wet.
In other news, I'm taking a practice GRE tomorrow. I'm excited about the future (Ooooh, the future...) but I'm not excited about getting up on a Saturday. Ah, the sleep I sacrifice...
Speaking of sleep: I think I'll pretend to go to sleep now. I say pretend because I'll end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Or the wall. I've become sort of attached to staring at the wall lately. Buonanotte!
 |
| Now make it 50-80degF colder and dump some ice water on him. |
Speaking of sleep: I think I'll pretend to go to sleep now. I say pretend because I'll end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Or the wall. I've become sort of attached to staring at the wall lately. Buonanotte!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Daily Silver: The future looms, but I think I'm seeing tropical medicine through the fog.
Today's thoughts are on graduate school. I know that I want to get my master's degree, and I'm thinking public health. I have to do a little looking around... Then I want to get my Ph.D. But that's farther in the future than I'm willing to consider at the moment.
The career path I'm looking at right now is getting my Ph.D in parasitology or tropical medicine and working in a hospital as a specialist. Maybe public health, though, and I could work with a Health Dept. and do some more epidemiological things...
The career path I'm looking at right now is getting my Ph.D in parasitology or tropical medicine and working in a hospital as a specialist. Maybe public health, though, and I could work with a Health Dept. and do some more epidemiological things...
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