No, I'm not writing for Disney now.
Today A said to me (paraphrased), "I'm creating beauty." Something to that effect. And I (being me) thought, what is beauty? Because I can never let these things go... sorry, A...
I immediately thought of some possibilties (which have the added bonus of framing my question): Is beauty sort of like energy, something that is imbued upon an object? Keeping in mind "the eye of the beholder," is it something that only exists in the beholder's mind[/perception/reality]? Is beauty intrinsic in the object (ie a quality belonging to the object)? And in all of these situations, is finite or infinite or something else (eg spanning space and time and able to exist in multiplicity)?
When I voiced these questions, A (quite understandably) was a bit confused. I have to admit that I didn't present these questions quite so eloquently then, not that they necessarily make sense now. But here goes...
I think beauty intrinsic in the object. But that sort of absolute makes me squirm, so I will quickly clarify that I think beauty is not a quality or a characteristic set in stone (measurable) but a potential. Of course I'm tempted to go with "beauty is an adjective only, belonging to the viewer," because at first glance that seems to fit best with the whole perception-is-reality-and-truth-does-not-exist theory, but I'm feeling slightly rebellious today. What's the point of thinking if we don't sometimes challenge our own ideas?
Really, beauty as a potential and inherent in the object makes the most sense, after all. This is a pared-down version of my idea of beauty: think of beauty as a scale. Several scales, actually. Every object, every thing has its own scale; that scale measures its beauty as percieved and assigned by a viewer (a percieved-beauty scale, PBS). Also, every object with the ability to assign beauty (namely humans) has another scale that ranks all percieved objects by beauty (a ranking scale, RS). Okay, so I'm back to the perception-reality model; so sue me. Let's think of three objects: a flower, a tree, and a stone. Each has a PBS from 1 to 100; however, their 100's may not be the same on an individual's RS (ie the flower has more ability to be beautiful, and therefore a higher max than the stone). A human (called Bob) percieves the three objects. Bob has a RS in his head. Let's say that Bob thinks the flower is really pretty, and he gives it a 74 [on the flower's PBS]. He thinks the tree is pretty, too, so he gives it an 80 [on the tree's PBS]. The stone is ugly to Bob (it's green and slimy with pond muck) so he gives it 26 [on the stone's PBS]. Now for Bob's RS; the flower's PBS is lower than the tree's, but on Bob's RS the flower is higher than the tree, say 63 vs 48. This means that he thinks the flower is fairly pretty for a flower and the tree is pretty for a tree, but as far as beautiful goes they're not as beautiful as other things (for instance he ranks his wife as a 92). Does that make sense? A PBS is comparing one object to other like objects, and an individual RS is comparing one object percieved by a person to all the other objects the person has ever percieved.
I'm using "object" fairly loosely, because by "object" I mean "pretty much anything" including humans, other animals, plants, inanimate objects, ideas, paintings, relationships, love, situations, anything you might ever refer to as beautiful.
Ask me questions! I know I've probably confused a lot of you (truthfully I haven't chewed out all the details yet), but if you are willing to read to this very sentence at the end of the post, you probably would like to understand (I hope). So ask away! Ciao!
Showing posts with label Thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thought. Show all posts
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Daily Silver: A recap of stuff I haven't told you yet. And "the weather isn't evil, it just wants a hug."
Can I write Friday's Daily Silver even though it's technically Saturday? Of course I can! I'm running the show. (bwahahahahahahahaha!!!)
What can I tell you about Friday. Other than "TGIF" or rather, TGIWF (Thank Gods It Was Friday). Oh, well it snowed a bit up here in the wild wild North (better known as Western NY). Lessee... oh, we have an accumulation of about 8 or 9 inches, and it was all melted two days ago. So not overnight, but pretty good. Actually, snow on the ground is okay. It's when it's blowing in your face that's not so cool. Hot. Whatever. Today I got up and (mistake #1) did not look out the window. I had no idea what it was like outside, but I assumed that it would be much like yesterday: sunny and clear with snow on the ground but none in the sky. As I was preparing to leave for class, still not looking out the window, I (almost mistake #2) debated putting on my winter hat or my baseball cap. I luckily chose the winter hat and opened the door (surprise!). The snow was coming down at about a 45deg slant, and they were fat, slushy flakes, the kind that can sting in a sudden [sadistic] gust of wind but then will accumulate on your hat and coat and any exposed skin and make you shed water when you walk inside like molting snakeskin. Except cold and wet.
In other news, I'm taking a practice GRE tomorrow. I'm excited about the future (Ooooh, the future...) but I'm not excited about getting up on a Saturday. Ah, the sleep I sacrifice...
Speaking of sleep: I think I'll pretend to go to sleep now. I say pretend because I'll end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Or the wall. I've become sort of attached to staring at the wall lately. Buonanotte!
 |
| Now make it 50-80degF colder and dump some ice water on him. |
Speaking of sleep: I think I'll pretend to go to sleep now. I say pretend because I'll end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Or the wall. I've become sort of attached to staring at the wall lately. Buonanotte!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Daily Silver: The future looms, but I think I'm seeing tropical medicine through the fog.
Today's thoughts are on graduate school. I know that I want to get my master's degree, and I'm thinking public health. I have to do a little looking around... Then I want to get my Ph.D. But that's farther in the future than I'm willing to consider at the moment.
The career path I'm looking at right now is getting my Ph.D in parasitology or tropical medicine and working in a hospital as a specialist. Maybe public health, though, and I could work with a Health Dept. and do some more epidemiological things...
The career path I'm looking at right now is getting my Ph.D in parasitology or tropical medicine and working in a hospital as a specialist. Maybe public health, though, and I could work with a Health Dept. and do some more epidemiological things...
Monday, February 21, 2011
Daily Silver: In fact, I do still exist, I merely spent yesterday in the real world.
What a tedious place the real world is. I was writing the essay that I told you about not writing on Saturday in a rush of inspiration! Yeah, if having it due the next morning can be termed "inspiration." Anyway, it's done and I'm pretty happy with it, and now I can blog again! For a while, at least...
So today was un-extraordinary. Neurobiology this morning was pretty cool, because it's always cool when you understand the material. Also, His Vexing-ness (you know, that kid in class that has to show off everything he knows and it turns out he just read the text but didn't understand the concepts?) was relatively quiet today. Also, my friends and I asked a bunch of relevant, well-considered questions which is always a plus. All in all, a good day in the field of Molecular Neurobiology.
Abnormal Psych was pretty ho-hum. Not that it's a bad thing; certain classes, you just pray they're ho-hum. Not that I don't like psychology (although see here and here) but this class is... I don't really know why, but I didn't expect it to be a study in suffering. That's all it is, really; I'm not saying that's bad, necessarily, because my area of interest, parasitology and tropical medicine, is also full of such reflection. The only way we can change our world is if we can understand it; the only way to help people suffering from blood flukes or from bipolar disorder is if we understand these afflictions. I just... didn't realize it would be so depressing. I really don't know why; I'm intimately familiar with many of the faces of mental disorders, but I guess I thought learning clinically about them could distance me or something? Hmmm... Anyway, today we watched a video, actually two videos featuring a woman with bipolar disorder, and pretty severe at that. In the first she was in a depressive episode, and she had been hospitalized because she'd assaulted a little girl (we didn't hear the details) because the voices had told her to. (NB I'm sure schizophrenia presents a very different clinical picture, but at this point I couldn't tell them apart except that our professor told us she had bipolar disorder.) She was suffering from psychomotor retardation, which is when someone thinks, moves, and talks slowly, and she looked like she was going to fall asleep and go right off her chair. But the combination of this movie and the next one was what was really disturbing. In the next one, the same woman in the throes of a manic episode(a week later or so) was chewing bubble gum and blowing bubbles, all while she was a spy for Jesus Christ and could call up wind, rain, or sunshine at will. She reminded me of a happy-go-lucky thirteen-year-old girl, and she had that look on her face, the one of blank, almost fake happiness, just utterly pleased with herself. It was disturbing on such a visceral level... you could just tell that something was wrong, could almost tell that this mania wasn't going to last and she was going to plummet deep, deep into the hellish vice of depression.
Sorry for the flowery language; it's late and you know what that means..! (It means I start writing like a Renaissance poet.) Mi apologia.
So that's it for today. I do have to admit that somedays (usually concordant with large academic projects and looming due dates) I might not write. I'll try, but it just might not happen. In the meantime, I plan to be writing every day this week, because I don't have any papers due for a while! (Huzzah!) Buonanotte!
So today was un-extraordinary. Neurobiology this morning was pretty cool, because it's always cool when you understand the material. Also, His Vexing-ness (you know, that kid in class that has to show off everything he knows and it turns out he just read the text but didn't understand the concepts?) was relatively quiet today. Also, my friends and I asked a bunch of relevant, well-considered questions which is always a plus. All in all, a good day in the field of Molecular Neurobiology.
Abnormal Psych was pretty ho-hum. Not that it's a bad thing; certain classes, you just pray they're ho-hum. Not that I don't like psychology (although see here and here) but this class is... I don't really know why, but I didn't expect it to be a study in suffering. That's all it is, really; I'm not saying that's bad, necessarily, because my area of interest, parasitology and tropical medicine, is also full of such reflection. The only way we can change our world is if we can understand it; the only way to help people suffering from blood flukes or from bipolar disorder is if we understand these afflictions. I just... didn't realize it would be so depressing. I really don't know why; I'm intimately familiar with many of the faces of mental disorders, but I guess I thought learning clinically about them could distance me or something? Hmmm... Anyway, today we watched a video, actually two videos featuring a woman with bipolar disorder, and pretty severe at that. In the first she was in a depressive episode, and she had been hospitalized because she'd assaulted a little girl (we didn't hear the details) because the voices had told her to. (NB I'm sure schizophrenia presents a very different clinical picture, but at this point I couldn't tell them apart except that our professor told us she had bipolar disorder.) She was suffering from psychomotor retardation, which is when someone thinks, moves, and talks slowly, and she looked like she was going to fall asleep and go right off her chair. But the combination of this movie and the next one was what was really disturbing. In the next one, the same woman in the throes of a manic episode(a week later or so) was chewing bubble gum and blowing bubbles, all while she was a spy for Jesus Christ and could call up wind, rain, or sunshine at will. She reminded me of a happy-go-lucky thirteen-year-old girl, and she had that look on her face, the one of blank, almost fake happiness, just utterly pleased with herself. It was disturbing on such a visceral level... you could just tell that something was wrong, could almost tell that this mania wasn't going to last and she was going to plummet deep, deep into the hellish vice of depression.
Sorry for the flowery language; it's late and you know what that means..! (It means I start writing like a Renaissance poet.) Mi apologia.
So that's it for today. I do have to admit that somedays (usually concordant with large academic projects and looming due dates) I might not write. I'll try, but it just might not happen. In the meantime, I plan to be writing every day this week, because I don't have any papers due for a while! (Huzzah!) Buonanotte!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Daily Silver: Friday!!!
Today's silver is brief: it's Friday! And it's nice out! I am excited at the prospect of sleeping in tomorrow, but I am not excited about writing my humanities essay (due Monday morning). My assignment is to write about how I think two authors (out of five or so choices) would react to people flying planes into IRS buildings. Specifically Andrew Joseph Stack. It won't necessarily be a hard write, it's just tedious and not what I want to be doing/writing about.
But about the weather: it's gorgeous! If you're not from upstate NY or similar climes you may not understand my amazement at 50degF, but it's 50 freaking degrees in February. This is a big thing, like jump-and-shout-and walk-around-in-shorts-and-a-tshirt-because-you-don't-have-to-worry-about-frostbite big. The fields outside my window are green. It's crazy.
So I leave you now to walk in the balmy spring breezes and cavort in the sun, because it's been a long winter (actually it's been a winter of average length, but you get the idea).
But about the weather: it's gorgeous! If you're not from upstate NY or similar climes you may not understand my amazement at 50degF, but it's 50 freaking degrees in February. This is a big thing, like jump-and-shout-and walk-around-in-shorts-and-a-tshirt-because-you-don't-have-to-worry-about-frostbite big. The fields outside my window are green. It's crazy.
So I leave you now to walk in the balmy spring breezes and cavort in the sun, because it's been a long winter (actually it's been a winter of average length, but you get the idea).
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Launch of the "Daily Silver," Frankenstein, and Psychology
So I'm going to try something new, in an attempt to write more often (read: every day). I'm going to do a daily post. Don't worry, I'm not going to write some deep, meaningful novella every day; I seriously doubt that I could pull it off. Actually, I'm positive I couldn't. Anyway, these daily posts will be short, just a list, really, of my (wait for it...) thoughts throughout the day. Yeah, I said it. Bite me. I'm calling it the "Daily Silver" because, well, it's daily, and argent (as in argentwolfwing) is loosely derived from the Latin/Italian for silver. Think of the chemical symbol for silver, Ag, which stands for its Latin name, argentum. So: that's that.~~~~~
My next topic is Frankenstein. I'm reading the book for humanities, and it's not all that bad. I mean, I hate Victor with a passion, because he's such a little bitch, but I gather from my friends (who've already read it) that this is a common reaction. He just leaves the poor creature--runs away, in fact (sorry if I just gave it away for you)--to fend for himself, like running away screaming your bloody head off and leaving a giant, hideous, and potentially dangerous two-year-old to the cruel whims of a vicious world. Victor Frankenstein is more repulsive than his creature, especially with his obsession with physical beauty to the point of ignoring personality traits. Which is, of course, his motivation to abandon the creature. His sole motivation.~~~~~
On the test today was a question about different types of studies conducted by psychologists. It read (paraphrasing, of course) "A researcher wants to learn about treatment and anorexia. She takes a group of women suffering anorexia and divides them arbitrarily into two groups. One group receives psychotherapy and an FDA-approved drug as a pill, and the other group is given no psychotherapy and a sugar pill (a placebo)." I couldn't believe it; my professor, a self-professed (ha, a pun!) scientist had written this question, but he had somehow put in two independent variables. Two freaking independent variables. Undoubtedly most of you my readers will not feel the same incredulity that I do at this [possible] typo. This is like trying to tell me that the earth is flat and 6,000 years old or something (which people, btw, do try). It's like, for lack of a better example, deliberately misquoting my bible. Okay, better example: it's like saying that the earth is the center of the universe. Again, people try. I just shake my head and sigh.
~~~~~
Not all "Daily Silver"s will be this long. I anticipate many bulleted lists in our future. But at least I'll be writing! That's all for today... Ciao!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I'd like to wish you all a wonderful day.
Sorry that I haven't written in a while; last week was busy. I had an essay due today, and I was working on it a bit obsessively. But what is truly rare about this essay is that I not only want to do well on it because I want to do well in the class, but I genuinely love the subject matter and I had to stop myself from writing through the night sometimes. I would skip other homework because I wanted to write the essay. The class is parasitology, and the essay was an examination of parasitism. It was sort of trying to define it, which is harder than you may think. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say I really enjoyed writing it and I am quite pleased with it.
Now on to other topics!
On my birthday three years ago I went to school with a grocery bag full of little plastic party favors; you know, just little monsters and finger puppets and the like. I spent the whole day giving them out to my friends. At one point I handed one to my friend N and he looked at me a bit strangely and asked me why he was getting something if it was my birthday? I didn't really have a good answer for him, and I still don't.
I suppose maybe it's that I like all the people around me to be happy, because it makes the air hum. That's a possible explanation. But I also like to give people gifts. I like to see their faces light up, I guess. I don't know; yeah, it's stupid. Sorry.
But it's the truth...
So anyway, in lieu of my birthday (which is tomorrow, btw), I'd like to wish you all a wonderful day. And I'd like to thank you all for reading my blog. It brightens my day whenever I have comments (which hasn't happened now in a while, aHem) and I love to know that I'm reaching someone. So: have a wonderful day, do something fun, and come back and tell me what your day was like! Thanks, y'all!
~aw
Now on to other topics!
On my birthday three years ago I went to school with a grocery bag full of little plastic party favors; you know, just little monsters and finger puppets and the like. I spent the whole day giving them out to my friends. At one point I handed one to my friend N and he looked at me a bit strangely and asked me why he was getting something if it was my birthday? I didn't really have a good answer for him, and I still don't.
I suppose maybe it's that I like all the people around me to be happy, because it makes the air hum. That's a possible explanation. But I also like to give people gifts. I like to see their faces light up, I guess. I don't know; yeah, it's stupid. Sorry.
But it's the truth...
So anyway, in lieu of my birthday (which is tomorrow, btw), I'd like to wish you all a wonderful day. And I'd like to thank you all for reading my blog. It brightens my day whenever I have comments (which hasn't happened now in a while, aHem) and I love to know that I'm reaching someone. So: have a wonderful day, do something fun, and come back and tell me what your day was like! Thanks, y'all!
~aw
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Pondering the soul, and what it means to have one. Also, assuming I do.
All I can see is land and sky. That seems like a lot, even everything, I suppose, but when it's just the land and the sky, a horizon way off as far as I can see, and nothing else, now that's something. Yeah, that's something. No houses, not any buildings to block the skyline, make it irregular. Not even any plants. No trees, or shrubs, or even grasses. I can see forever.
But obviously I can't; if I could see forever I'd see all the buildings and trees on the other side of that horizon. And I can't, because I'm gloriously alone. I can see the sun in the sky; it's big and yellow, hanging there like it's got nowhere else to go. Well, it doesn't really. It's stuck in place, because what's going to move the sun? Objects in motion tend to stay in motion; objects at rest tend to stay at rest, or some such thing. It's sitting in space, a big, fat, lazy ball of simmering plasma, and it's not going to move, dammit.
Every living thing has a… soul… for lack of a better term. The fifth element. Life. We are all made up of the five elements: water is in our blood and our breath and our cells; earth is in our tissues, muscle and bone, tendon and ligament; air is the stuff we breathe, and it fills our bodies, allows them shape; fire is in the chemical processes that keep us alive, in thought and movement. The fifth element, I'll call it the soul, is in everything. Those reactions, that fire, that moves us and keeps us, don't have to work. They do work, but nothing except some force means they have to do so.
If I was so inclined, this is where I'd find God. Or gods. It isn't though; they come in elsewhere. Because they have to be made of something, too, right? Even if they're just some pseudo-corporeal manifestation of energy, like particles of light. Sure, two hydrogens and an oxygen are attracted to each other, and they form this molecule called water, but nothing really says they have to. I mean, why? Why is the question of the hour, isn't it? Sure, glucose goes through the chemical process of respiration, and it involves oxygen, and the atoms and electrons dance and we get ATP, which holds energy in the bonds in its phosphate tail. But why? Ask a biologist, she'll start talking about metabolic pathways and evolution, if she is so incline. Ask a chemist; he'll just go back to electron transfers and oxidation numbers and electronegativity. Ask a physicist; he'll talk about the laws of thermodynamics, and matter and energy. Ask a philosopher; he'll probably spout some nonsense about JCGod or a greater power, or if he's a Marxist he'll probably just say something about the good of the whole (note to self: find a Nihilist and ask about why chemical reactions work). But none of them get to the root of it, and this is where human finds religion.
.
Or faith; I have faith. Religion (see definition #2) is such a deplorable word. Burdened with the pain and hatred and guilt and sorrow and zealotry and filth of ages of men and women. I choose to believe (and I know this is right, but I recognize that my knowledge is reached and accepted in the same way as a priest thumps his JCBible (but he's wrong, I know, for isn't that the basis of faith)) that this fifth element is natural in origin, as the other four. But what is natural? JCGod (the god of Christians and Jews and Muslims, and many others I suppose) is a manmade thing; a creation of short-sighted minds fumbling in the dark abyss of space (where they oughtn't be). They seek an answer where there is not one that is solid, that men can cling to like the slick board tossed in a feral sea.
My fifth element, life, soul, is not concrete in the sense that the JCBible is. Well, to point out the obvious, the JCBible is an actual book, that I can go to Barnes & Noble and purchase and hold in my hands. And, may I point out, write in. But even more than that, there is an intelligence, a design behind those words, those ideas, that I just cannot find in the world. I reach my faith from observation and long hours of introspection, not from the fantastic (albeit entertaining) ramblings of some random dude(s).
I entertained the idea of a "cult" of sorts, mostly to screw with the norm, though. I do think it would be fun, certainly interesting, to tell other people what I know. I mean, I'll tell people what I know, and if they then know it too, that's cool. But I think there should observation and introspection involved in formulating your own faith. Faith is very much an individual thing. That is not saying that there are not aspects for sharing. Feasts and celebrations are great times for sharing, and in this way I understand the attraction of a church. In a church, or a temple, or any other sort of religious community, people can find just that: community. There is a comfort to being with people who believe in the world the same way as do you. I understand that completely; I wish there was just such a community that I could be part of. However, there is one basic difference in the formation of community and shared celebration, and in a church-like community: faith is not at all a group endeavour. Religion is a group endeavor, and, as we have already discussed, I view "religion" as a word not to be spoken without full comprehension of the weight and meaning behind it.
And that's where religion goes wrong; people believe these things that they do not know (and in this statement, I hope you've been paying attention, because in the context of these ramblings of mine, "know," as well as other key words, mean something other than they normally mean in everyday conversation). It's kind of ludicrous. There is no truth but one's own; what may be true for you may not be true for me. This is hard for many to grasp; I myself have struggled a lot with this one. But I have finally come to the conclusion that truth, like time and perception (and because of perception), is relative.
But obviously I can't; if I could see forever I'd see all the buildings and trees on the other side of that horizon. And I can't, because I'm gloriously alone. I can see the sun in the sky; it's big and yellow, hanging there like it's got nowhere else to go. Well, it doesn't really. It's stuck in place, because what's going to move the sun? Objects in motion tend to stay in motion; objects at rest tend to stay at rest, or some such thing. It's sitting in space, a big, fat, lazy ball of simmering plasma, and it's not going to move, dammit.
 |
| Like this guy. |
But me, I move. I move all the time. I can't stay still, and this is not just me. Animals have to move all the time. Stop moving, and you're dead. Not just that you'll die, but a state of immobility is the definition of death. I guess. Yeah, that works; death is just you being still. Your heart doesn't beat, your diaphragm doesn't contract or relax, your blood doesn't circulate, your neurons don't fire and the ions don't dance around the synapses. You're still. Your soul doesn't move you, because it's not there anymore.
Every living thing has a… soul… for lack of a better term. The fifth element. Life. We are all made up of the five elements: water is in our blood and our breath and our cells; earth is in our tissues, muscle and bone, tendon and ligament; air is the stuff we breathe, and it fills our bodies, allows them shape; fire is in the chemical processes that keep us alive, in thought and movement. The fifth element, I'll call it the soul, is in everything. Those reactions, that fire, that moves us and keeps us, don't have to work. They do work, but nothing except some force means they have to do so.
If I was so inclined, this is where I'd find God. Or gods. It isn't though; they come in elsewhere. Because they have to be made of something, too, right? Even if they're just some pseudo-corporeal manifestation of energy, like particles of light. Sure, two hydrogens and an oxygen are attracted to each other, and they form this molecule called water, but nothing really says they have to. I mean, why? Why is the question of the hour, isn't it? Sure, glucose goes through the chemical process of respiration, and it involves oxygen, and the atoms and electrons dance and we get ATP, which holds energy in the bonds in its phosphate tail. But why? Ask a biologist, she'll start talking about metabolic pathways and evolution, if she is so incline. Ask a chemist; he'll just go back to electron transfers and oxidation numbers and electronegativity. Ask a physicist; he'll talk about the laws of thermodynamics, and matter and energy. Ask a philosopher; he'll probably spout some nonsense about JCGod or a greater power, or if he's a Marxist he'll probably just say something about the good of the whole (note to self: find a Nihilist and ask about why chemical reactions work). But none of them get to the root of it, and this is where human finds religion.
.
 |
| Nope, not here. |
My fifth element, life, soul, is not concrete in the sense that the JCBible is. Well, to point out the obvious, the JCBible is an actual book, that I can go to Barnes & Noble and purchase and hold in my hands. And, may I point out, write in. But even more than that, there is an intelligence, a design behind those words, those ideas, that I just cannot find in the world. I reach my faith from observation and long hours of introspection, not from the fantastic (albeit entertaining) ramblings of some random dude(s).
 |
| It's not kool aid; whatever are you talking about? |
And that's where religion goes wrong; people believe these things that they do not know (and in this statement, I hope you've been paying attention, because in the context of these ramblings of mine, "know," as well as other key words, mean something other than they normally mean in everyday conversation). It's kind of ludicrous. There is no truth but one's own; what may be true for you may not be true for me. This is hard for many to grasp; I myself have struggled a lot with this one. But I have finally come to the conclusion that truth, like time and perception (and because of perception), is relative.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
No, you can't blow up pineapples with your mind, but thinking happy thoughts doesn't hurt, either.
I know I just bashed positive thinking, so what I want to talk about today might seem a little hypocritical. I could spend a paragraph (and I just might) telling you about how it's not (hypocritical, that is) but that would be a waste of words. You're going to decide for yourself, whatever I say, and that's the beauty of being an individual. But what are words for if not wasting, so yeah, there's a bit about why this is different than my rant on positive thinking. Just roll with it. Anyway, here I go...
Last night I had what you might call a revelation.
The night began with business as usual; I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to find a position that was comfortable for more than two minutes, and generally feeling horrible. While most people (I presume) are able to drift into a vaguely comforting and blissfully thoughtless pre-sleep state in a timely manner (read: not two hours) after they get into bed, "sleepy-time" does not translate for my brain. My thoughts do not slow down and I am not able to turn them to counting sheep or visualizing numbers 1-100 or floating in a void. Most of what I do is worry.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I am a worrier, like my mother and my grandmother. I try not to worry about what I can't control, of course; for the most part it works pretty well. I would even suggest that I sometimes adopt a rather devil-may-care attitude. However, all bets are off when I go to bed. It's not that I worry about things I can do nothing about, but the opposite; I worry about things I would normally have a hand in but don't because I'm trying to go to sleep. Key word: trying. When you're in bed it doesn't do you any good to think of what clothes you're going to wear tomorrow or that the due date for your next tuition payment is coming up or that you have to read 100 pages for class in two days, because you're in bed. It's like these things pounce on me when they see me mentally vulnerable, because there is one thing I worry about that I don't really have control over: getting enough sleep. It's my very own encyclopedia illustration of "The Vicious Cycle."
So I was lying there listening to my classical music when I thought, "what if jI just eliminate "should" from my thoughts?" So I changed every "I have to..." and "I should..." and "I need to..." to "I want." And it worked.
Instead of "I should get up early and go to the gym tomorrow," I thought "I want to get up early and go to the gym tomorrow," and with that small substitution I felt better.
My worry about getting enough sleep was mostly coming from that, so instead of listening to classical because "I should listen to something quiet so I'll go to sleep soon" I changed my ipod to pop rock because "I want to go to sleep but I don't have to so I want to listen to the music I feel like listening to." My mom always says, what's the worst thing that could happen if you don't go to sleep? You're tired the next day. Eventually, you're going to be tired enough (probably the next night) to go to sleep.
I do want to go a little bit into the difference between this and the positive thinking I was talking about earlier. I feel like this whole "power of positive thinking" thing is way out of hand. I see people expecting job prospects and other people's ideas and even actual physical realities to change just because they wish really, really hard on that star or believe everyone is born with an angelic conscience. This is delusional. Jobs will open up to you if you do the legwork, and a lot of the time even after that they don't pan out. You have a chance of changing someone's mind if you argue your case convincingly, but even then it's like that person is an arbitrary judge with the final "yea" or "nay." And influencing physical things with your mind? Even now psychologists and physicians are undecided as to whether your thoughts influence your biochemistry or it's the other way around. Influencing things outside your own body: forget it. Delusional.
But your thoughts are all words; try to think of the last time you didn't have a spastic inner monologue (or dialogue, or poly-logue) continuously running through your mind? Bet you can't. The human experience is defined by language. And before you protest, when you were a baby (without language) your thoughts and experiences were still framed with communication (probably, because it's not something we can really know).
So if words make up your mind and, by extension, your perception (which is really what we're talking about, because perception is reality and experience and emotion and thought), couldn't you affect your own mind through control of words? Words and language have an intimate power, and since emotions are thoughts (perhaps unconsciously) and thoughts are words, then you can control (or at least shape) your emotions with words.
Okay, so in theory it works. Try it with me. (I honestly have no idea if it'll have an effect on you.) Pick something that stresses you out: impending exams; looming bills; that report you have to get to your boss by next week. Phrase it with an "I have to" or an "I should," eg "I should study for my test next week." Ugh, even knowing I don't have a test next week, that makes me feel all slimy inside. Okay, now change it to "I want to." eg "I want to study for my test next week." Maybe add a "because," like "I want to study for my test next week because I want a good grade." Look, another "I want." We're on a roll. Now, does that make you feel better? I feel better. Now, even though my test was hypothetical, I feel better about it and better about hypothetically studying for it.
I just wanted to share this with y'all, because I think it's so awesome. I didn't necessarily go to sleep faster after that, but I am an insomniac...
Anyway, to finish up I just want to emphasize that this is not what I would call "magical" positive thinking. As my parents have always told me, you can't change anyone's mind but your own. In the same vein, you can't get a new car through wishing, Dad's Alzheimer's isn't going to go away even if you pray, and $30,000 isn't going to appear in your bank account just because it would be really, really awesome.
It would be awesome. Oh well.
NB The title reference is from "Accepted." Good movie. I recommend it.
Last night I had what you might call a revelation.
The night began with business as usual; I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to find a position that was comfortable for more than two minutes, and generally feeling horrible. While most people (I presume) are able to drift into a vaguely comforting and blissfully thoughtless pre-sleep state in a timely manner (read: not two hours) after they get into bed, "sleepy-time" does not translate for my brain. My thoughts do not slow down and I am not able to turn them to counting sheep or visualizing numbers 1-100 or floating in a void. Most of what I do is worry.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I am a worrier, like my mother and my grandmother. I try not to worry about what I can't control, of course; for the most part it works pretty well. I would even suggest that I sometimes adopt a rather devil-may-care attitude. However, all bets are off when I go to bed. It's not that I worry about things I can do nothing about, but the opposite; I worry about things I would normally have a hand in but don't because I'm trying to go to sleep. Key word: trying. When you're in bed it doesn't do you any good to think of what clothes you're going to wear tomorrow or that the due date for your next tuition payment is coming up or that you have to read 100 pages for class in two days, because you're in bed. It's like these things pounce on me when they see me mentally vulnerable, because there is one thing I worry about that I don't really have control over: getting enough sleep. It's my very own encyclopedia illustration of "The Vicious Cycle."
So I was lying there listening to my classical music when I thought, "what if jI just eliminate "should" from my thoughts?" So I changed every "I have to..." and "I should..." and "I need to..." to "I want." And it worked.
Instead of "I should get up early and go to the gym tomorrow," I thought "I want to get up early and go to the gym tomorrow," and with that small substitution I felt better.
My worry about getting enough sleep was mostly coming from that, so instead of listening to classical because "I should listen to something quiet so I'll go to sleep soon" I changed my ipod to pop rock because "I want to go to sleep but I don't have to so I want to listen to the music I feel like listening to." My mom always says, what's the worst thing that could happen if you don't go to sleep? You're tired the next day. Eventually, you're going to be tired enough (probably the next night) to go to sleep.
I do want to go a little bit into the difference between this and the positive thinking I was talking about earlier. I feel like this whole "power of positive thinking" thing is way out of hand. I see people expecting job prospects and other people's ideas and even actual physical realities to change just because they wish really, really hard on that star or believe everyone is born with an angelic conscience. This is delusional. Jobs will open up to you if you do the legwork, and a lot of the time even after that they don't pan out. You have a chance of changing someone's mind if you argue your case convincingly, but even then it's like that person is an arbitrary judge with the final "yea" or "nay." And influencing physical things with your mind? Even now psychologists and physicians are undecided as to whether your thoughts influence your biochemistry or it's the other way around. Influencing things outside your own body: forget it. Delusional.
But your thoughts are all words; try to think of the last time you didn't have a spastic inner monologue (or dialogue, or poly-logue) continuously running through your mind? Bet you can't. The human experience is defined by language. And before you protest, when you were a baby (without language) your thoughts and experiences were still framed with communication (probably, because it's not something we can really know).
So if words make up your mind and, by extension, your perception (which is really what we're talking about, because perception is reality and experience and emotion and thought), couldn't you affect your own mind through control of words? Words and language have an intimate power, and since emotions are thoughts (perhaps unconsciously) and thoughts are words, then you can control (or at least shape) your emotions with words.
Okay, so in theory it works. Try it with me. (I honestly have no idea if it'll have an effect on you.) Pick something that stresses you out: impending exams; looming bills; that report you have to get to your boss by next week. Phrase it with an "I have to" or an "I should," eg "I should study for my test next week." Ugh, even knowing I don't have a test next week, that makes me feel all slimy inside. Okay, now change it to "I want to." eg "I want to study for my test next week." Maybe add a "because," like "I want to study for my test next week because I want a good grade." Look, another "I want." We're on a roll. Now, does that make you feel better? I feel better. Now, even though my test was hypothetical, I feel better about it and better about hypothetically studying for it.
I just wanted to share this with y'all, because I think it's so awesome. I didn't necessarily go to sleep faster after that, but I am an insomniac...
Anyway, to finish up I just want to emphasize that this is not what I would call "magical" positive thinking. As my parents have always told me, you can't change anyone's mind but your own. In the same vein, you can't get a new car through wishing, Dad's Alzheimer's isn't going to go away even if you pray, and $30,000 isn't going to appear in your bank account just because it would be really, really awesome.
It would be awesome. Oh well.
NB The title reference is from "Accepted." Good movie. I recommend it.
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